connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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