i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
