If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
