Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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