im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize