I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
