I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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