did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
