I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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