Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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