We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
