He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
