someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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