If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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