do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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