That's intense
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
