i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
