bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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