I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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