Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
