he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
