I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
