problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
