I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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