i wish starbucks made bloody marys
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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