I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
