Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
