It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
