I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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