I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
