I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
