You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
