I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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