if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
