Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
