ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
