I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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