his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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