So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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