Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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