xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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