Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
