btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
