This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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