Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
