Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
