I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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