He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
