my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
