im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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