the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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