Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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