So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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