I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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