it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
