I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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