u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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