I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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