My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
