We won't sleep together?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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