this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
