Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
