Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
