I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
